Blog | Advice for girls

How-To Boyfriend: One Foot In - One Foot Out

I won't say how many notches I have on my belt, but I can say that you wouldn't be able to count the scumbags on both hands. I've got experience with a**holes and it's time to spill the beans. If you also like skeezy men with patchy mustaches, this blog is for you.

#4 Never trust a guy who has one foot out the door.

This guy is pretty obvious from the start, but you won't want to see it. He holds your hand, drives miles to be with you, buys you flowers when you fight. He even says he thinks about what type of dog you'll have in ten years. This, foot he has in, isn't the only one you need to rely on.

There is another foot he lets loosely hang, hidden from your view. His friends are in the hallway and they can see it anxiously wrapping around the corner about to bolt the other way. You'll only know it when you think you're finding a place together and he says he may not have enough money to pay his half. You can feel him wall up all of the sudden, like a stone brick you just ran head first into. He'll have another beer to stop any conversation, but it will only last a minute because he is good like that.

The truth is you won't know this until you're years in and you've already decided on him. With every other touch he will make you think he's in love, intertwining his fingers with yours, and laying directly on top of you when he goes to sleep cause he knows it makes you laugh. You can't imagine he would ever walk away.

Beware, girls, of the guy who can't commit. Sure, I have had my fair share of one night stands but when it comes down to it, but if there is a guy I want to be with, he better be all in. If he's got one foot out, cut your losses. Save yourself from hours of wondering what you did wrong. It not you, it's him.

- 2 min read

How-To Boyfriend: The Stonewaller

#3 Never trust a guy who ignores you when things get tough.

This guy, you won't see coming. You'll think you found the love of your life only to find out he goes silent when you need him to say something. He won't do it in the beginning, he'll make an attempt to show you he listens and will always pick up the phone when you call. But, it won't last. He was set in his ways long before you came along.

When he starts to avoid you, the silence will burn your insides so much that it will feel like trapped ants under your skin. You'll tell yourself you can handle it, make excuses that he just needs space, but it isn't space that he needs -- it's the therapy he won't get.

This guy showed up when I was 15, then again at 25, then again at 30. It's like a virus of men that has been bred and have laid dorment. A girl with emotions comes along and they don’t know what to do with her but ignore her when things get tough. I kept trying to tell myself that I can make it work, maybe he will change and be a different guy someday, a guy who understands his feelings and can have the courage to say how he feels and then gets to the other side. But, it isn't this guy. Time and time again he let me down, played more video games or pretends like nothing happens the next day.

Beware, girls, of the man who can't communicate his feelings. The man that refuses to talk to you doesn't deserve the relationship in the first place. A true relationship is built on honest, vulnerable put-your-heart-on-the-line communication. Hearing what you need and what hurts you, that’s the man worth being with. You must be willing to break your heart for the chance to be seen and heard. That is worth fighting for, anything less isn't worth your time. Don't settle for silence. It’ll cost you too much.

- 2 min read

How-To Boyfriend: The Secret Lover

#2 Never trust the guy who keeps you a secret

This guy is good at pretending. You'll believe him when you're alone with him, but you'll want to forget when you're at school. His friends will snicker about the pants your mom bought you with the weird star on the leg. He'll laugh with them in the locker room about how awkward you dress and how small your boobs are. You'll make excuses because he didn't used to act this way when you guys were younger, but now that others have an opinion about you, he won't dare tell them he's in love.

This guy is 16 years old more or less and he gleeked in my face after we made love during seventh period. He told me he would love me forever, but couldn't respect me if I didn't respect myself. He didn't know why I was the way I was, at that time I didn't know it either. I was different and the whole football team knew it. He knew it too and, like everyone else, he didn't know what to do with different. So they laughed at me and he laughed with them and we kept telling each other, I love you, in secret. I didn't try to stop it, the way we looked at each other when no one was watching was enough for me. I didn't expect much and when he got a girlfriend he was proud of, we stopped sleeping together, but I never stopped loving him.

Beware, girls, this kind of love breaks you down.

You will try to convince yourself that it doesn't matter while the shame silently strips you down to nothing. You won't feel it right away but you will start to do things you never think you'd do because you're a secret. It won't be easy to feel good enough again, especially when you've tried to convince yourself that he never made you feel bad in the first place.

You will be wrong and setting the record straight will be as easy as digging yourself out of a 6 foot hole in a country you've never been to before. He'll be charming and you'll think you're the luckiest girl in the world, but if he keeps you a lie you'll trade your soul to the devil and it will be hard to find your way home.